My name is Rebecca and I am an addict

I wish I could say I have kicked the habit... but the habit would hit me back if I did. I've gone clean several times, but the habit comes back around. Everytime I think I've gone straight for good, it shoves itself back in me like it never left. I know this habit is bad for me... but I can't fight it. It has become its own persona, it has an individual identity. I can't define myself within it but it won't let me be without it. It is what it is apart from me. It doesn't want to be near me and yet it won't let me go. Neither I nor it want to be within each other, but we cannot let go. I only want it back to remind me why I quit. It prevents me from other addictions that could be more harmful. The memory fades and it comes back again. One day I will remember and the habit will be gone, but until then, the habit needs to leave.